Category Archives: Self

Back Home

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I’m home after a few days of adventures with my Pittsburgh pal. She gives me the insider tour of her city and, this time, we also took a day trip over to historic Bedford, Pennsylvania.

This was my first real adventure of the year and it didn’t come a moment too soon. I was feeling restless, deprived, and yearning for something more interesting than my own four walls. I have a good life but it’s better when I step away occasionally to see what else the world has to offer.

We did a book crawl, ate at a historic tavern, and looked at art and historic buildings. We shopped, contemplated the sacrifices made by our veterans, and browsed a middle eastern food market near her home.

It is never lost on me how different her life is from mine because of where we live.

There are about three dozen independent bookstores in the Pittsburgh area. There are radio stations that play more than top forty country and pop music. I listened to some jazz radio while in the area and was sad to lose the station as I traveled away from the city. There are markets and restaurants that cater to ethnic cuisines and her very nice neighborhood of tree lined streets is filled with people who have come from afar. There are more jobs, more money, more educational opportunities, more museums, more of everything really.

The contrast between urban and rural is surprising sometimes.

Yet, where I live is beautiful. We have a shared sense of community that comes from everyone attending the same high school, shopping at the same grocery store, and being so small we tend to know each other.

Where I live in the country, there are no sidewalks or streetlights. There’s also no traffic unless you count school buses, farm equipment, and the occasional road construction.

I can hear a variety of birds and frogs in my yard and my closest neighbors are far enough away I don’t really hear them.

Quality of life is awfully good in many ways here but it’s also nice to leave and to have different experiences.

At one point, I stood before a mirror in the ladies room at Bedford Candy. My hair was a mess and I had the wild eyed look of someone who was so busy running around and looking at stuff that time didn’t matter.

It’s true, I spent almost the entire trip without any idea what day it was or what time it was. I was in my element and didn’t give a gosh darn what the clock said.

I have missed that version of myself. Planning and schedules have nearly crowded her out.

Yet, all good things must end. I’m home safe. The people in my life are thrilled to have me back. My little house panther couldn’t be happier. I keep catching him staring at me like he just wants to make sure I’m really here.

I am really here, a country mouse tucked away in my country house with a few stories to share and a mess to clean up. Not only do I need to unpack, there are groceries and fun purchases that still need to be put away today.

For now though, I can take my time, enjoy my little cat’s company, and savor the memories of experiences that helped me remember who I am.

Long Weekend

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When I arrived at my Pittsburgh friend’s cute Mt Lebanon neighborhood last week, I was a little bedraggled and lugging a duffle bag so large you could stuff at least one grown adult inside.

I was supposed to prepare for just a few days but was ready for at least two weeks. Lacking the discipline to figure out what to pack, it seems I just took everything.

I called it the manifestation of all that was happening inside my brain as her husband lugged it inside.

And so began our annual Labor Day tradition.

Sometimes we go places. Last year we took the train from Pittsburgh to Philadelphia and hit all the historic sites. Sometimes we stick around Pittsburgh and she gives me the insider’s experience all over her city.

This year we did both – running away for a bit to soak in the beauty of Presque Isle State Park at Lake Erie.

It was somewhere in the middle of that park that I began to breathe better and to remember who I am. Was it when Nichola told me to turn around just in time to see a bald eagle glide across the trees? Was it when we rounded the bend of an overgrown path to unexpectedly find ourselves on shore line? Was it on a striped blanket on a chilly August Saturday as we waited for the sun to set?

I suppose it was in all of these places that I felt true joy and a connection to nature. Verizon doesn’t work great at the island so my phone barely made a peep, making it possible to enjoy life without distraction.

It has been a while since I have been able to hike consistently and comfortably. It has been a long, hard summer with the heat, humidity and a meniscus tear slowing me down.

To stand beneath a blue sky and simply breathe cooler air was such a gift. Sand between my toes as the water lapped at my ankles felt like therapy. To hear the chirp of an osprey as it soared overhead felt like a reward for good behavior. A pocketful of tiny shells and pebbles felt like presents from nature to help me recall the windswept day on the beach when I found myself again.

I’m not sure how many times I have to wear myself out and lose track of my own identity only to rediscover it while adventuring but I’m grateful every time I make my way back to me again.

It’s My Birthday!

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Today is my birthday. In recent years, this has been a fun day where I have traveled and adventured. Today will not be an adventure day. It’s a good old fashioned work day and I’m ok with that. I like my job and am increasingly grateful for it.

How old am I? Well, I’m at an age that I had to stop and figure it out. Since math isn’t my strong suit, I actually pulled up the calculator on my phone because I didn’t trust my mathing skills.

Remember when you were a kid and you had a countdown till your birthday for months ahead of time? You were ever prepared with gift ideas and you always knew your precise age. Six-and-a-half or nine-and-three-quarters.

I have known some older folks who reverted back to that kind of age-keeping. It seems to come back in style once people hit their nineties so that suddenly they’re almost 93 or they just turned 95.

And that’s a good thing. We aren’t guaranteed a long life and aging is a gift not given to everyone. I know plenty of people who weren’t blessed with long years so aging and birthdays should be celebrated.

Those wrinkles, that dry skin, and the veins that are showing on your hands are all trophies and proof of what it has taken to stay on this earth.

I like to spend some time leading up to every birthday taking stock. Am I happy? What can I do better or differently? What needs attention? It’s a little like New Years for me – a great time to assess and set some new goals.

This hasn’t been the easiest year. I still struggle to get some health issues under control and have adventured less than normal. There have been some good things though and some lessons learned.

One of my goals lately has been to soften my life. I am looking for ways to bring peace and comfort into my home and routines. The world is an increasingly harsh and scary place. Why wouldn’t I want to make my corner of it as calm and soft as possible?

This is a good place to start on this first day of a new year. It is the first day of the rest of my life. In fact, it’s the first day of the rest of your life too. Maybe you need to take stock as well.

You’re still wondering about my age?

48.

Have a good day, friends. It’s my birthday! Go celebrate with some ice cream!

PS- today’s image is at Huntington Reservation, Cleveland. That’s Lake Erie and in the moment I snapped this picture, I was completely at peace.

De-influencing Shopping Habits And Patterns

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Social media has gifted me with the videos of a woman who reminds followers they don’t need to buy anything today. She has a lovely Puerto Rican accent that makes everything she says sound charming. 

Her videos go something like this:

You don’t need anything from Target today. You do not need anything from TJ Maxx today. You don’t need anything from Amazon today. You don’t need anything from Ulta today. You have plenty of things already. What you need to do is clean.  Don’t shop, go clean your fridge.

Sometimes she instructs viewers to make an extra credit card payment instead of shopping or to declutter instead of buying more. I don’t know who this lady is but I like her!

There are few hills I’m willing to fight for but one is that cleaning and decluttering are the most powerful tools for curbing spending. I have said this repeatedly in my Winter No Spend Challenge stories and agree with her belief that cleaning is a lowkey way to save money. 

When you find yourself decluttering the stuff you once thought you couldn’t live without, you are reminded of the money wasted on small things that don’t matter. There’s something calming about cleaning what you own and appreciating what you already have. 

I don’t need someone to film a video every day telling me not to stop for coffee when there’s free coffee at work or that I don’t need to bargain shop at Marshalls when my kitchen is packed with gadgets. You may not either. 

But after years of watching the rise of the social influencer – you know, the ones who do videos of Walmart hauls and who color coordinate their Stanley cup to their outfit- it’s awfully nice to see people out there reminding us that what these people do isn’t normal. 

I have a good life. I have everything I need and much of what I want. I would travel more if I could but that isn’t in the cards right now.  I have a birthday coming up and the people around me are asking for gift ideas. I’m coming up short unless they want to buy me a kitchen door or maybe another book. Ha! But isn’t that a wonderful problem to have?

If you find yourself in the habit of shopping regularly – for entertainment, for stress relief, for a chance at keeping up with the Jones’ or for whatever reason, today is the day to ask yourself why. Look closely. There are patterns to your behaviors. You just have to pay attention to see them.

Do you need the things? How else can you entertain yourself? What do you already own that you can be using instead? How else might you use that money? 

You don’t need a bunch of random stuff and clearance shelf junk. Go for a walk, clean something, declutter your closet, cook a good meal or call a friend. Focus on building a better life that doesn’t require an avalanche of random things you didn’t know you needed till you saw them at the store.  

Have you considered doing a No Spend Month? Here’s a story about my No Spend Challenge rules! 

It’s Time

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Twenty years from now, you would give anything to have the energy and health you have right now. What are you waiting for? It’s time to take the trip, go back to school, get in shape, start over, and follow your dreams.

Time waits for no one and neither should you. Go do all the things that you’re afraid to say out loud.

Musings On Winter Into Spring

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The transition of winter into spring is the hardest seasonal transition for me. It’s no secret that I have learned to appreciate winter or that I truly enjoy the aspects of the season so many view as hardships.

Southern Ohio today is enjoying what I like to call Stage I Fool’s Spring. It looks nice but the air still has a bite.

From where I sit, warm light streams through the window, casting sprays of light ideal for a little black cat’s peaceful sleep. He’s luxuriating in a large sunny spot right now. The sky is blue and birds abound. Pine trees sway in a slight breeze. It looks like a beautiful, warm day.

In reality, it’s 26 degrees at this moment and less hospitable outside than here on the couch. But if you dare to go outside for a lungful of clean air, you might find that early spring bulbs are pushing through the ground. The March Peepers I so enjoy gave their first nightly chorus on Friday. These little frogs are the brave souls who are the traditional harbingers of spring year after year but their February 28 appearance seemed early. 

These things are all lovely. 

But I truly like the snow and cold and, as I muck through my muddy back yard to reach the birdfeeders, I wonder if I have seen my last snowfall for the year. There’s an old wive’s tale there will be three more snows after the forsythia blooms but those snows could be mere flurries. 

The sense that earth is beginning to warm and the days are growing longer makes me feel anxious. After all, what is to come will be miserably hot and humid. Summer in Ohio is just sticky and gross and it drags on for months. Spring here lasts for a short time as summer crowds in a little earlier than it ought to and hangs on later every year.

For those of us who sunburn and who don’t breathe well in humid conditions, this is not a time for celebration. It’s a time for planning to be outside early and late and for indoor time during midday. 

I would never survive life in the south where I know conditions are even worse. Yes, yes. I know I sound weird and pathetic but it’s a true problem that seems to worsen as I age. 

After years of being berated and bullied for my seasonal preferences by people who suffer Winter Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), it turns out I’m neither alone nor an anomaly. 

There is such a thing as Summer SAD. Just like Winter SAD, symptoms include irritability, suicidal thoughts, sadness and insomnia. 

Who knew? 

Little research has been directed to Summer SAD and tips I’ve read for how to cope are more or less useless. Yet, there’s something reassuring about knowing I’m not just a weirdo. 

It’s time to begin brainstorming and making lists of ways to tolerate (and hopefully enjoy) what’s ahead. Do you struggle with symptoms of Summer SAD? I would love to hear about your experiences and tips.