And here you are, despite the setbacks, stepping into a chapter of life more beautiful than you could ever imagine.
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As you step into this fresh chapter, remember to hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and embrace a really big dream. Someone recently told me that big dreams are the only ones worth having.
He’s really smart so I believe him.
Anticipation is often the hardest part of things that are scary or hard. I have been thinking about this a lot lately as I reminisce about summer adventures past.
Flying alone for the first time comes to mind. I hadn’t flown at all in years when I found myself planning to meet my Wyoming friend Johnna in Salt Lake City in 2018. I didn’t worry about it but the idea made me uncomfortable right up until the moment I was settled into my United Flight window seat. That’s when I discovered that flying alone was the most liberating experience of my life.
Another thing that comes to mind is my visit to Mesa Verde National National Park in southwest Colorado. This UNESCO World Heritage Site is known for beautifully preserved Ancestral Puebloan cliff dwellings. Honestly, I had never heard of it until Johnna suggested it as part of our four corners region adventure.
She and her hubby had driven through one day, stopping at an overlook to watch a ranger led tour explore one of the cliff dwellings. She talked about the beauty of the place and the exciting prospects of exploring ancient dwellings that not everyone can touch. Access is permitted only through ranger hikes.
We agreed this would be the centerpiece of our trip until we discovered one small detail: to access the cliff dwellings, you have to climb ladders.
“Wait… what?” I asked.
Ladders? I don’t do ladders. I don’t do heights. I don’t do things that might result in my passing out or tripping and falling to my death. I am not the most graceful of our population so it seems a likely outcome that I will trip and hurl myself off the side of a cliff.
There are tours to three dwellings. The Square Tower House descends 120 feet and has steep drop-offs. You have to climb two 16 foot ladders and be able to scramble over large boulders, unassisted while carrying a minimum half gallon of water. All this for the bargain low price of $25 per person.
Just reading that description gave me heart palpitations so I crossed that off the list.
Balcony House is just $8 per person but requires climbing a 32-foot ladder, crawling through an 18 inch by 27 inch tall tunnel for twelve feet and climbing a 66 foot open cliff face with uneven stone steps. All that before climbing two 18 foot ladders to exit.
Nope. What else they got?
The final tour goes to Cliff Palace. It descends uneven stone steps and requires climbing four 8-10 foot ladders. This one is also $8.
Honestly, I would have paid the total sum of all three tour tickets to not have to do any this. But my dear friend Johnna knew exactly what to say to get me to agree to this. It was something to the effect of “do you want to be one of those people on the overlook watching others live life or do you want to be one of those people down there having fun? It just depends on the kind of life you want.”
Sigh.
So I spent the next couple of months experiencing self inflicted vertigo every time I thought about what was to come. I hardly slept the night before and had a knot in my stomach right up until we began descending those stone steps.
You know something? I hustled right up the first ladder with no trouble and just kept going. Honestly, the ladders weren’t bad even though the first one looks like something Fred Flinstone might have built. But it was eight feet and on the ground, angled enough that it didn’t feel like too severe of a climb.
The way out required some uneven stone steps and a ten foot ladder that went straight up. However, it wasn’t at all scary because it was in a crevice between stone so it felt sheltered.
I drag you along on that adventure to tell you this: the fear of what is to come is nearly always worse than the thing you have to do. That’s true for sad anniversaries and for hard work you procrastinate because you simply don’t want to do it. It’s true for those irrational fears we all have as well.
Your mind will always make things worse than they seem if you allow it.
I’m grateful that I did it and (don’t tell Johnna) I’m grateful she pushed me to go. She’s a good influence because she knows I’m capable of more than I think and doesn’t hesitate to force me to at least try.
Want to read another account of Mesa Verde? The Wandering Canadians recently wrote a nice account that sent these particular memories bubbling to the top. Click here to read all about their visit!
On July 31, I decide to do something nice for myself every day of August, in honor of my birthday month. Yes, I am one of those people.
But I say why not get into the practice of being kind to yourself?
Some of these kindnesses cost money. Some of my favorites were free. One of those favorites was a Sunday afternoon nap in the hammock. Another was a morning spent writing in the quiet of a library. Dinner with a friend and time spent dabbling with watercolors at the kitchen table top the list so far too. Adam and I went adventuring yesterday to browse an art museum and book shop. That was a real treat.
The above image is a barn that I always admire and got to photograph one day this month. That felt good.
We have a responsibility to be kind to ourselves. The world is comprised of distraction and problems, of people who take and others who lecture. It’s an exhausting world. If we can’t escape all that or remove the negative people from our lives, we must fortify ourselves. We must replenish our own selves so that we may face another day of the so- called real world.
I have thought about how this little 31 day experiment might be extended to become a permanent habit. There have been days that I forgot to be intentional about this service to self project. Yet, when I looked back over my day, I could point to something or even multiple things and say “I did that for me.”
Even on those days when I can’t intentionally do something special, I can at least think back over the day at the small things that brought me joy. It could be breakfast on the porch or sitting down to read in the evenings – things I would do anyway that are good for my mental health.
It isn’t selfish to care for yourself. I have been happier and more productive this month and I’m sure it has been because I’m consciously showing myself a little kindness.
Whatever stage of life you’re in and no matter how much money you have, there’s likely something you can do for your own wellness and mental health every single day. Trust me when I say that it gets easier and that it’s worth the small effort to be kind to yourself.
Try it and let me know how it goes.
Sunday is typically my day to recharge and reset for the new week. Honestly, I do very little, instead embracing the notion that Sunday ought to be a day of rest.
I set aside some time early in the day to do laundry, maybe to make a couple of things to eat for quick lunches and do a few small things that make the work week easier.
The focus of the day is usually self care and mental wellness.
Given how tired I have been all week long, today couldn’t have come quick enough. I am not ashamed to say that I am relieved for this day.
Wherever you are and whatever you do, listen to your body. Take a break. Step off the treadmill. Whatever you call it, embrace the fine art of rejuvenation so you’re ready to face whatever stress this coming week throws your way.
Heights scare me. To be exact, things that are attached to the ground and high scare me. Airplanes are fine. Ladders and balconies feel like death traps.
I hate this about myself.
Luckily, I believe that the presence of fear is an opportunity to be brave. So I often force myself to do things that push my own boundaries. For example, if I’m near a lighthouse, I have to climb to the top even if my body fears I won’t live to tell the story.
When faced with high places, I tend to talk myself through it, proactively giving myself a pep talk before I even arrive at that place. Then I stay focused on a point straight ahead or on a person in front of me, never looking down and attempting to pretend that everything is ok.
The other night, a hike after work found me on a familiar trail that ends with natural sandstone steps out of a gorge and onto floating wooden steps. Those floating steps are followed by concrete ones through a tunnel. I don’t know the elevation gain here but it’s a great workout.
By the time we made it up all those sandstone steps, I was already winded. That’s normal.
Unfortunately, I had failed to give myself that pep talk. Why? I don’t know. I don’t remember. Before I had even reached the first step of the floating stairs that freak me out so badly, I was already struggling to manage the fear.
Those steps are wooden and have open backs. You’re up high. Some of the wood feels soft and there’s one step with a chunk missing. These steps take a lot of abuse from massive amounts of people going through every day and I personally feel they aren’t safe enough.
Three steps up and I was starting to panic. In no time I was completely panicked and no longer just a little winded.
I could not breathe. I couldn’t catch my breath. I did not feel safe at all.
I did calm myself down and made it up those tunnel stairs without incident and without sounding like I was dying. I’m calling that a win even though those steps are easy. At least there’s a light at the end of this tunnel!
I don’t appear to have a picture of the scary steps – likely because I try not to dwell on where I have been or what I’m about to do!
There’s a lesson to be had here.
These steps are my arch nemesis but I can conquer them when mentally prepared. It takes just some positive self talk and deep breathing to keep myself calm. Just the tiniest bit of negativity or even a failure to focus can make all the difference.
While this is true of this specific situation, it’s true for all of life. If you think you can, you will. If you think you can’t, you don’t stand a chance. Things will come apart so fast with just a single negative thought to guide you.
Focus your thoughts inward and tell yourself what you need to hear to get the job done, to conquer a bad situation, work through a fear, and achieve your goals. It can work. I promise. It has taken me a lot of years to understand how but I can do it when properly centered. Figuring out how to recover from something like this is an important skill as well and it gets easier with practice.
What’s your fear? Do you have techniques for minimizing the control it has over your life? Can you recognize when you’ve reached your tipping point? Can you find your way back when things get bad?
You know why I sometimes force myself to do scary things in controlled environments? It has something to do with the old saying that practice makes perfect. The more I do it, the easier it gets – especially if it’s my choice to be in that scary situation in the first place.
I know what it’s like to be crippled with fear. It’s the worst feeling in the world and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I also know that some fears for some folks aren’t to be overcome and for that I’m sorry if my story today sounds like toxic positivity.
Here’s wishing us all strength and perseverance. Today is a new day. Let’s all just do our best, shall we?
Marietta, Ohio is the place to be if you wish to see the American flag on display.
On this 248th anniversary of the founding of this country, I am reminded that my loyalty lies with the United States of America and the flag that flies over this land. Not with a political party. Not with one man. Certainly not with the fast and loose playing with the facts that appeals to so many.
This flag. My flag. My country.
Long may she wave.