Heights scare me. To be exact, things that are attached to the ground and high scare me. Airplanes are fine. Ladders and balconies feel like death traps.

I hate this about myself. 

Luckily, I believe that the presence of fear is an opportunity to be brave. So I often force myself to do things that push my own boundaries. For example, if I’m near a lighthouse, I have to climb to the top even if my body fears I won’t live to tell the story. 

When faced with high places, I tend to talk myself through it, proactively giving myself a pep talk before I even arrive at that place. Then I stay focused on a point straight ahead or on a person in front of me, never looking down and attempting to pretend that everything is ok.

The other night, a hike after work found me on a familiar trail that ends with natural sandstone steps out of a gorge and onto floating wooden steps. Those floating steps are followed by concrete ones through a tunnel. I don’t know the elevation gain here but it’s a great workout. 

By the time we made it up all those sandstone steps, I was already winded. That’s normal.

Unfortunately, I had failed to give myself that pep talk. Why? I don’t know. I don’t remember.   Before I had even reached the first step of the floating stairs that freak me out so badly, I was already struggling to manage the fear. 

Those steps are wooden and have open backs. You’re up high. Some of the wood feels soft and there’s one step with a chunk missing. These steps take a lot of abuse from massive amounts of people going through every day and I personally feel they aren’t safe enough. 

Three steps up and I was starting to panic. In no time I was completely panicked and no longer  just a little winded. 

I could not breathe. I couldn’t catch my breath. I did not feel safe at all. 

I did calm myself down and made it up those tunnel stairs without incident and without sounding like I was dying. I’m calling that a win even though those steps are easy. At least there’s a light at the end of this tunnel!

I don’t appear to have a picture of the scary steps – likely because I try not to dwell on where I have been or what I’m about to do!

There’s a lesson to be had here. 

These steps are my arch nemesis but I can conquer them when mentally prepared. It takes just some positive self talk and deep breathing to keep myself calm. Just the tiniest bit of negativity or even a failure to focus can make all the difference.

While this is true of this specific situation, it’s true for all of life. If you think you can, you will. If you think you can’t, you don’t stand a chance. Things will come apart so fast with just a single negative thought to guide you. 

Focus your thoughts inward and tell yourself what you need to hear to get the job done, to conquer a bad situation, work through a fear, and achieve your goals. It can work. I promise. It has taken me a lot of years to understand how but I can do it when properly centered. Figuring out how to recover from something like this is an important skill as well and it gets easier with practice. 

What’s your fear? Do you have techniques for minimizing the control it has over your life? Can you recognize when you’ve reached your tipping point? Can you find your way back when things get bad?

You know why I sometimes force myself to do scary things in controlled environments? It has something to do with the old saying that practice makes perfect. The more I do it, the easier it gets – especially if it’s my choice to be in that scary situation in the first place. 

I know what it’s like to be crippled with fear. It’s the worst feeling in the world and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I also know that some fears for some folks aren’t to be overcome and for that I’m sorry if my story today sounds like toxic positivity. 

Here’s wishing us all strength and perseverance. Today is a new day. Let’s all just do our best, shall we?