A few years ago, I encountered a gentleman named Floyd while out adventuring. I was white, middle aged and solo adventuring. He is older than me, a black man with friendly eyes, who was out adventuring with his cousin.
Floyd and I struck up a conversation while waiting for our tour to begin and we became fast friends. We talked about travel and day trips, about the state of the country and about race. Most importantly, we talked about how so many of our problems could be solved with nothing more than what we were doing: sitting on a porch, exchanging stories and listening to each other’s perspective.
I have met a lot of people in this life and remember many but this conversation and this man are never too far from my consciousness. That sounds so strange, I know, but my decision that day to make eye contact and say hello was life changing.
At that point, I had been out in the world talking to strangers about an array of topics that made me think most Americans have more in common than we believe. People love their communities. They want to work and earn a living, build a business, grow their families, love their pets, find interests that excite them, and go to bed every night feeling safe and secure.
But in all those conversations, I hadn’t met anyone who was not white and who was willing to speak openly about race. Floyd and I waded straight into that territory and it was like a breath of fresh air. No one felt threatened. I didn’t think it was awkward. We shared some common ideas. I learned from him. I questioned some things I thought I knew and came home with a whole lot of food for thought.
It’s hard to ignore, mistreat, hate or misunderstand a person when they’re sitting next to you and when you’re willing to lay down your biases and replace your slings and arrows with an open mind and empathy.
I check in and out of the world these days. Reading the news feels like a strange kind of emotional cutting. Seeing smart people perpetuate falsehoods, scams and spam because they support that individual’s bias is demoralizing. Divides deeper than the Grand Canyon have been carved out of the most unlikely places. I haven’t adventured as much as normal for the last year and certainly haven’t been out talking to people the way I did there for a while so I wonder if I would still believe that what unites us is more powerful than the red and blue lines crisscrossing the nation today.
Floyd messaged me this week and our conversation got me to thinking about the person I was when he and I met. I was more optimistic about the state of the world and about the future. It is my hope to someday find myself in that mental headspace again. Meanwhile, I’m glad to count Floyd as a friend and appreciate him reminding me of the old Brandi and that what unites the two of us is far more powerful than any differences.
Do yourself a favor on this Independence Day. Go find a stranger who looks or thinks differently than you. Sit on a bench and chat. Maybe you’ll learn something. It could be revolutionary.
is there no end to your wonderful insight ? I certainly hope not. 🙂
Thank you for always being so supportive Jerry!
One of the great things about working in the Corporate world is having a diverse team of co-workers. I feel very lucky to be able to get to know people from many different races, religions, countries, backgrounds.
One thing that I wish someone from another state would explain to me is the sheer hatred for California and Californians. I see so many people saying we should be destroyed, burnt to the ground, etc. etc.
I have my issues with some other states too, of course, but I’m smart enough to know that there are good people in those states and that the main problem is the people RUNNING those states, so I would never want to see ANY of our states destroyed or burnt to the ground. What the heck?????
California is gorgeous with its mountains and oceans and deserts and forests and lakes and rivers. Why would anyone cheer for it to be “wiped off the map”????
I hate to say it but you answered your own question in that first paragraph. The diverse environment you just described sounds absolutely heavenly to me. Where I live, most people are white and have similar values and backgrounds. I find that limiting and dull and would welcome more people who think and look different than me.I try to imagine how different my rural Ohio experience is from that of other Americans so I can be a more empathetic and thoughtful world citizen.
Tragically, too many people are afraid of that kind of diversity. In California, I see efforts to accommodate and welcome all humans, to embrace new ideas, and to build a better future for all. While answering your question, I heard a television commercial for some politician in West Virginia. It was talking about how she will make sure West Virginians can buy any kind of truck they want and not what the liberal elite of California want you to have. I’m not kidding, friend. Instead of promoting the accomplishments of this lifelong politician, they run down California for its efforts to lesson our carbon footprint through the vehicles we drive.
This is environment we live in now. It’s not about what I will do right, it’s about what everyone else does wrong. Conservatives especially like to draw a line between diverse, open minded communities and the destruction of our nation. Did you hear the stories back during the election about refugees in Springfield, Ohio eating dogs and cats? Fear mongering and lies at its absolute worst.
I visited California once about twenty years ago and was struck by the beauty and the diversity and I didn’t make it very far from LA. What I wouldn’t give to explore the rest of the state!
The bottom line is that it’s easy to bash what we don’t know or understand and what scares us. It’s easy to exaggerate and lie. It’s advantageous for politicians to keep people divided and bashing each other. After all, if we all started talking to each other, we might figure out we’ve been lied to about our fellow humans.
This is so good -“I was more optimistic about the state of the world and about the future. It is my hope to someday find myself in that mental headspace again.”