Tag Archives: empathy

Listening And Empathy: A New Revolution

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A few years ago, I encountered a gentleman named Floyd while out adventuring. I was white, middle aged and solo adventuring. He is older than me, a black man with friendly eyes, who was out adventuring with his cousin.

Floyd and I struck up a conversation while waiting for our tour to begin and we became fast friends. We talked about travel and day trips, about the state of the country and about race. Most importantly, we talked about how so many of our problems could be solved with nothing more than what we were doing: sitting on a porch, exchanging stories and listening to each other’s perspective.

I have met a lot of people in this life and remember many but this conversation and this man are never too far from my consciousness. That sounds so strange, I know, but my decision that day to make eye contact and say hello was life changing.

At that point, I had been out in the world talking to strangers about an array of topics that made me think most Americans have more in common than we believe. People love their communities. They want to work and earn a living, build a business, grow their families, love their pets, find interests that excite them, and go to bed every night feeling safe and secure. 

But in all those conversations, I hadn’t met anyone who was not white and who was willing to speak openly about race. Floyd and I waded straight into that territory and it was like a breath of fresh air. No one felt threatened. I didn’t think it was awkward. We shared some common ideas. I learned from him. I questioned some things I thought I knew and came home with a whole lot of food for thought.

It’s hard to ignore, mistreat, hate or misunderstand a person when they’re sitting next to you and when you’re willing to lay down your biases and replace your slings and arrows with an open mind and empathy. 

I check in and out of the world these days. Reading the news feels like a strange kind of emotional cutting. Seeing smart people perpetuate falsehoods, scams and spam because they support that individual’s bias is demoralizing. Divides deeper than the Grand Canyon have been carved out of the most unlikely places. I haven’t adventured as much as normal for the last year and certainly haven’t been out talking to people the way I did there for a while so I wonder if I would still believe that what unites us is more powerful than the red and blue lines crisscrossing the nation today. 

Floyd messaged me this week and our conversation got me to thinking about the person I was when he and I met. I was more optimistic about the state of the world and about the future. It is my hope to someday find myself in that mental headspace again. Meanwhile, I’m glad to count Floyd as a friend and appreciate him reminding me of the old Brandi and that what unites the two of us is far more powerful than any differences. 

Do yourself a favor on this Independence Day. Go find a stranger who looks or thinks differently than you. Sit on a bench and chat. Maybe you’ll learn something. It could be revolutionary.

Even If You Can’t Have A Good Day . . .

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Someone made a Walgreens employee cry last night. I learned this after the employee thanked me for being nice. And then her lip started to tremble as she began to tell the story of why she was so emotional about my being nice.

The world is a rough place on a good day. There’s no need to go around making it harder for others.

And honestly, lots of people have been doing their best to ruin my day by forcing their politics on me and by being cruel and judgmental toward others not like them. There’s no need for that either. Having an opinion doesn’t entitle you to beat others over the head with it. It doesn’t entitle you to be cruel to a store employee who has done nothing to you other than dare to breathe the same air as you.

Service employees deserve your respect and they don’t deserve to be made to cry on the job. This particular employee is young and probably needs to toughen up. All the more reason for grown adult customers to show a little compassion and empathy as they try to remember their own first job and what it’s like to be just starting out in the world.

Half of what’s wrong with this country is the overall lack of empathy. An awful lot of our political leaders and wannabe leaders have no empathy, no character and no decency about them.

Don’t be like them.

Show some character. Be kind to others. When the world feels dark, be the light you need and help others around you.

Even if you can’t have a good day, don’t go ruining someone else’s.

Please be clear that I believe most of my readers here to be good and decent folk. I’ve heard from so many of you over the years and I’m confident that you should not be on the receiving end of my rant. But this is actually a condensed version of what’s been on my mind and what I feel needs to be said. At this point, I could almost write a book on all the darkness I have witnessed lately.

Every person reading this has likely been on the receiving end of someone else’s judgement and meanness. I hope rather than feel chastised, you can commiserate!

Friends, be happy, be well and look after your mental health. You deserve it.

Remembering Dr. King and the National Civil Rights Museum

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Today we celebrate the life, teachings and sacrifice of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. If he had not been cut down by an assassin’s bullet in 1968, he would be 91 now. He would have elderly children, grandkids and great grandkids. It’s hard to picture when you consider the timeless images of a young man like the one above.

Here he is with his wife and first child. It brings to mind the famous quote that we all have heard.

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”

You have to wonder how much different the world and our country might be had he lived longer.

Today I thought we should visit the National Civil Rights Museum in Memphis, TN. First of all, Memphis is one of my favorite places because there is music and history and culture and mac and cheese at every turn. Seriously, the abundance of homemade mac and cheese is pretty spectacular.

But it’s also home to this museum that beautifully and skillfully tells the story behind the movement.

Among other things, the museum has preserved the Loraine Motel where Dr. King was murdered. You can see his room and the balcony where he stood when bullets were fired from a boarding house across the street. Incidentally, you can tour that boarding house as well.

Visiting here was a sobering, humbling experience that sort of put a damper on the fun of all that music and food. But friends, I would go back today if given the opportunity and I would highly recommend it to you as well.

Facing history gives us the opportunity to learn from our past, to humanize those people we read about in text books and to hopefully do better tomorrow. And if nothing else, a place like this instills in us a new sense of empathy and understanding that we may not have known on our own.

Want to visit the National Civil Rights Museum? Click here for details. If you wish to ponder the teachings and thoughts of Dr. King, this is a good source for quotes.