Tag Archives: listening

Listening And Empathy: A New Revolution

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A few years ago, I encountered a gentleman named Floyd while out adventuring. I was white, middle aged and solo adventuring. He is older than me, a black man with friendly eyes, who was out adventuring with his cousin.

Floyd and I struck up a conversation while waiting for our tour to begin and we became fast friends. We talked about travel and day trips, about the state of the country and about race. Most importantly, we talked about how so many of our problems could be solved with nothing more than what we were doing: sitting on a porch, exchanging stories and listening to each other’s perspective.

I have met a lot of people in this life and remember many but this conversation and this man are never too far from my consciousness. That sounds so strange, I know, but my decision that day to make eye contact and say hello was life changing.

At that point, I had been out in the world talking to strangers about an array of topics that made me think most Americans have more in common than we believe. People love their communities. They want to work and earn a living, build a business, grow their families, love their pets, find interests that excite them, and go to bed every night feeling safe and secure. 

But in all those conversations, I hadn’t met anyone who was not white and who was willing to speak openly about race. Floyd and I waded straight into that territory and it was like a breath of fresh air. No one felt threatened. I didn’t think it was awkward. We shared some common ideas. I learned from him. I questioned some things I thought I knew and came home with a whole lot of food for thought.

It’s hard to ignore, mistreat, hate or misunderstand a person when they’re sitting next to you and when you’re willing to lay down your biases and replace your slings and arrows with an open mind and empathy. 

I check in and out of the world these days. Reading the news feels like a strange kind of emotional cutting. Seeing smart people perpetuate falsehoods, scams and spam because they support that individual’s bias is demoralizing. Divides deeper than the Grand Canyon have been carved out of the most unlikely places. I haven’t adventured as much as normal for the last year and certainly haven’t been out talking to people the way I did there for a while so I wonder if I would still believe that what unites us is more powerful than the red and blue lines crisscrossing the nation today. 

Floyd messaged me this week and our conversation got me to thinking about the person I was when he and I met. I was more optimistic about the state of the world and about the future. It is my hope to someday find myself in that mental headspace again. Meanwhile, I’m glad to count Floyd as a friend and appreciate him reminding me of the old Brandi and that what unites the two of us is far more powerful than any differences. 

Do yourself a favor on this Independence Day. Go find a stranger who looks or thinks differently than you. Sit on a bench and chat. Maybe you’ll learn something. It could be revolutionary.

The Lost Art Of Listening And Comprehension

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Every job description requires effective communication skills with a focus on how you communicate to others. You know what they don’t specifically request?

Good listening and comprehension skills. This is odd to me as communication has no use without someone able to receive and understand the information.

Ours is a nation of people who know all too well how to express an opinion but fail miserably at listening to others. Analytical and comprehension skills are not valued at all. Facts are minor details that get in the way of how we feel.

Listening and understanding has truly become a lost art.

My degree is in English and I had enough history credits to amount to a minor. My entire college career centered on core skills – research, reading, analysis and writing.

Reading and regurgitation was not an option. Comprehension was key. No one cared how I felt.

One professor liked to give us a research problem and dump us at the library to solve it in two hours or less. This was in the early days of the internet in colleges but computers were off limits in this class and there were no smart phones. We had to figure it out with books and microfilm and our own wit.

I recall one assignment involving the above painting. Now I know that it’s Bruegel’s Landscape with the Fall of Icarus.

The professor handed us an 8.5×11″ sheet of paper with this image on it and said “figure out what this is, where it came from, what it means and why I want you to know about it. By the end of class.”

I really hated that class but it gave me mad research skills.

My short years working for a newspaper taught me other skills. I learned that listening isn’t just about hearing what someone says. It’s just as important to notice what they don’t say.

It’s also important to realize that the person in front of you has a side of the story. But so does the person next to them and the person next to them. We like to say there are two sides to every story but few situations in this world are so cut and dry.

The true test is if you are willing to seek out and listen to those different sides or if you’re only interested in the one that supports your own notions.

If you fail at this test, you’re more likely to be dismissive of people who do not support your own world view.

Watching news unfold in the age of the internet is both fascinating and frustrating, especially when the news is so complex as it has been lately.

For example, the events at the Capitol building on January 6 didn’t look so horrific when the footage was captured from a safe distance outside. I’m guessing a lot of people thought it didn’t look so bad from that perspective as it was reported on live tv that afternoon.

The footage from inside the building, captured by the media and criminals alike, shows a completely different event. Take a 10,000 foot view of the days surrounding that event and it is framed in a completely different way than originally reported because new and terrifying information becomes available each day.

The ability to keep up with unfolding news and to fit different perspectives in with the original narrative is a skill we all need but few seem to possess.

I sometimes struggle to form quick opinions about complex situations because I want as much accurate information as possible. Yet I have witnessed people form complete opinions based on a headline or the first few lines of a single story.

This clearly is not a world where I fit in or belong. Nor do I wish to.

What’s the answer? I do not know but suspect it’s far more complex that any of us would expect. I’ll have to research it and get back with you.