A few years ago, I encountered a gentleman named Floyd while out adventuring. I was white, middle aged and solo adventuring. He is older than me, a black man with friendly eyes, who was out adventuring with his cousin.
Floyd and I struck up a conversation while waiting for our tour to begin and we became fast friends. We talked about travel and day trips, about the state of the country and about race. Most importantly, we talked about how so many of our problems could be solved with nothing more than what we were doing: sitting on a porch, exchanging stories and listening to each other’s perspective.
I have met a lot of people in this life and remember many but this conversation and this man are never too far from my consciousness. That sounds so strange, I know, but my decision that day to make eye contact and say hello was life changing.
At that point, I had been out in the world talking to strangers about an array of topics that made me think most Americans have more in common than we believe. People love their communities. They want to work and earn a living, build a business, grow their families, love their pets, find interests that excite them, and go to bed every night feeling safe and secure.
But in all those conversations, I hadn’t met anyone who was not white and who was willing to speak openly about race. Floyd and I waded straight into that territory and it was like a breath of fresh air. No one felt threatened. I didn’t think it was awkward. We shared some common ideas. I learned from him. I questioned some things I thought I knew and came home with a whole lot of food for thought.
It’s hard to ignore, mistreat, hate or misunderstand a person when they’re sitting next to you and when you’re willing to lay down your biases and replace your slings and arrows with an open mind and empathy.
I check in and out of the world these days. Reading the news feels like a strange kind of emotional cutting. Seeing smart people perpetuate falsehoods, scams and spam because they support that individual’s bias is demoralizing. Divides deeper than the Grand Canyon have been carved out of the most unlikely places. I haven’t adventured as much as normal for the last year and certainly haven’t been out talking to people the way I did there for a while so I wonder if I would still believe that what unites us is more powerful than the red and blue lines crisscrossing the nation today.
Floyd messaged me this week and our conversation got me to thinking about the person I was when he and I met. I was more optimistic about the state of the world and about the future. It is my hope to someday find myself in that mental headspace again. Meanwhile, I’m glad to count Floyd as a friend and appreciate him reminding me of the old Brandi and that what unites the two of us is far more powerful than any differences.
Do yourself a favor on this Independence Day. Go find a stranger who looks or thinks differently than you. Sit on a bench and chat. Maybe you’ll learn something. It could be revolutionary.
This stunning mural depicts George Floyd. This is the man whose violent death, whose desperate call for his mama, sparked protests, conversations, and we can hope – reform.