Indecision

Last night I stood in the middle of the living room, holding a precarious stack of books and despairing over what to read next.

I was paralyzed with indecision.

Have you ever struggled in this way when faced with too many choices?

I consistently struggle in three main areas:

  1. Books
  2. Getting rid of things that I might need someday
  3. Choosing a travel destination

When it comes to books, there literally are too many interesting books being released every year on top of all the things written in the past to ever feel like there’s enough time.

Issues with letting go of things seem to be genetic and related to my Appalachian roots where holding on to stuff has been an economic decision. My ancestors knew the value of a dollar, of a thing, and of having a stash of stuff for when you need it. Packrattery is a survival mechanism.

And travel decisions are hard because, like books, there are finite resources (time + money) and an infinite amount of places to go. How do we begin to choose?

These areas have felt like an uphill battle for some time now.

When it comes to travel, I typically take longer trips with adventure pals and shorter trips with my fella. Life circumstances for my adventure pals have made it harder for them to go on those longer journeys. And honestly, I’ve just been lazy about getting some shorter trips on the calendar. I used to have adventure ideas in my back pocket every week. I need to get back to those roots but am often torn by the multitude of places to visit and other life things to do.

But I digress.

Back to that stack of books last night,

I am not an especially fast reader but I am a devoted one. I watch little tv and carry a book nearly everywhere including to the dentist’s office yesterday. Most nights I fall asleep with a book in my hands and wake up to the thunk of it falling on me.

How my face isn’t black and blue is beyond me.

When I finish a book, I pick up another, switching genres to keep things interesting and prevent any ruts from forming.

I like the feel of a physical book in my hands and the smell of a book is one of my very favorite things. If you ever see me smelling a book, keep moving. There’s nothing to see here.

I did finally choose something and I have high hopes for it. All the same, I had reservations when walking away from that stack I had pulled. By itself, that stack represents about a month of reading. We are already about a third of the way through the year. When will I get to them and all the others?

Clearly, there needs to be more reading hours in my day along with more time to travel. And perhaps some time for therapy because I do sound like something of a basket case.

This I know.

We are the culmination of our habits. If we want to do more of something we need to prioritize it and build our habits around that thing.

What do you wish to do more of? Does indecision ever interfere? Please tell me not the only one!

Walk In And Be

Sometimes you just need a quiet place to sit and think. This spot was cool, quiet and calming and exactly what I needed to get a few things done.

People tend to undervalue libraries. In addition to all the amazing reading materials, classes, and items for free use, a library is one of few places in this world where you can simply exist.

There’s no admission to be paid and no expectation that you buy or do anything in exchange for use of computers or other resources.

You can just walk in and be.

That’s pretty cool, if you ask me.

Around Here April Edition

Around here things are starting to settle down after a few months of not feeling settled at all. It’s part of my annual life cycle but one I’m never completely prepared to face. To add insult to injury, a volunteer commitment turned busy, stressful, and strangely enlightening for a few months.

Things are better now.

Around here, Spring has sprung. My lilacs are blooming and the landscape is greening up. At the moment, it’s breezy and 54 degrees with a gorgeous blue sky.

Around here I’m slowly catching up on chores that were ignored in favor of restful things during busy times. In fact, it has been a good season for reading and for that I’m grateful. I have made decent progress working through my TBR piles.

It is time, though, to get some stuff done. So far I have meandered from one thing to another but probably need to make a list and stick to it.

Things here will be in turmoil for a while, though, because I’m having some work done in my master bath. I don’t mind because the results will be so nice. Eventually.

Around here I’m trying to figure out some adventures close to home and to maybe expand my horizons some. I need to drive new roads and see new things .

Around here, I’m retooling my eating once again, this time embracing an anti inflammatory way of living and trying to figure out what that can look like in my daily living. Good nutrition can relieve pain and other issues but the American diet is not centered on things meant to soothe and nourish our bodies.

I need to do some more research before my next grocery trip.

Around here, things are improving. The above picture is my current view. Scout is asleep in the sunshine, just a few feet outside the frame and it’s not such a bad view.

Around here, I remind myself that as the sun rises and sets every day, we too are given the opportunity to start again every day.

How will you start again today, tomorrow, and all the days after that?

I’ll Catch The Replay

Part of me is fascinated by space travel and the absolute heroes of NASA who have made it possible. This admiration exists despite my having absolutely no math or science skills of my own.

I happily mugged for the camera in front of the space shuttle Discovery in Washington DC a few years ago. I enjoyed touring the boyhood home of Ohio’s own John Glenn and devoured the book “Hidden Figures” about the brilliant women who calculated the math needed to get us to the moon for the first time.

And I sometimes stand outside my rural home late at night, gazing up at the stars and wondering what it would be like to be in space, to gaze down at this planet, and see how small we really are in this grand universe.

It’s all fascinating.

But I didn’t watch the launch of Artemis II on Wednesday.

I’m a young Gen X-er and suspect there are more than a few of us who passed on the opportunity to see history made.

That’s because I was eight years old when they wheeled televisions into classrooms across America for school kids to see Christa McAuliffe become the first teacher to go into space. It was a proud day for us all.

But it was confusing. What’s with all the smoke and fire? What did we just see? “Is it supposed to do that?” I heard a classmate ask just before a teacher swooped in to turn off the television.

Did this event traumatize me for life? I don’t think so. Still, it’s weeks like this when I think to myself “I’ll just catch the replay later.”

Discomfort

Yesterday I finished reading a novel that was both captivating and stomach turning. Maybe it’s the mood I’m in right now but I wasn’t prepared for the rawness of this story. The book is called “The Song Of The Blue Bottle Tree” by India Hanford.

The author weaves together the stories of multiple people in 1967 including a snake handling preacher who abuses and molests women and girls in his life, a Vietnam veteran who comes home fighting a different kind of war, and a woman whose story is rich and unpredictable.

I liked the book but there were times the abuse theme was too much to absorb. Luckily, I didn’t dwell long in this oppressive world because the story was so well told I didn’t want to put the book down and it ended quickly.

When I told my fella all this, he asked if I was glad to have read it.

My answer was this:

Literature is not always meant to be comfortable.

If you are always completely comfortable with what you’re reading, it’s time to try some new books. Yes, we read to entertain ourselves but we ought to also be reading to expand our minds and learn about something that is different than the world we know.

The world does not owe us comfort. This applies to books and movies, to jobs or teachers that push us further than we wish to go, to the historic record that we don’t like, and the contemporary events that drive us to change the channel when the news comes on.

I have been thinking some about solo hikes and road trip adventures. These things didn’t always come easy but I did them anyway and am better for it.

Discomfort is where the growth begins. Trust me. I have experience in this area.

I know people who read just one genre and watch only certain kinds of tv shows. They vacation in the same place year after year and stick to the same blandly scripted series of safe choices.

I hope to never be that person.

Let’s all vow to try new things when we can, to open our minds to the things that make us think, and to refuse to accept comfort when we can instead choose growth.

Do What Is Right

In an age when immorality and all around bad behavior is being modeled by everyone from politicians and celebrities to our own neighbors, I want to remind us all of this quote by Dr. Martin Lutheran King Jr.

The time is always right to do what is right.

As everyday Americans, we may not have control over the big things or over what those around us do but we can control our own choices.

Be kind to someone who can offer nothing in return. Share the good stories. Compliment a stranger. Support the businesses and organizations that uphold values you can live with. Let others know they aren’t alone. Model the behavior you want to see in others.

Do the right thing even when no one is looking and even when there’s nothing in it for you.

If enough of us choose this path, maybe we can balance out the cruelty and apathy this world has become so accepting of lately.

Do what is right.