Blue Fjord Worries

Two gallons of Blue Fjord Pittsburgh Paint, a new roller pan and brush had lived in the corner of my utility room for about twenty hours before buyer’s remorse started to set in. That was two days after Christmas, after I had bravely marched into the store and asked a nice lady at the paint counter to help me figure out what kind of paint would work best for a bedroom. 

I was so certain I was doing the right thing at that moment. This is going to look amazing! After all, the room gets plenty of light to offset the dark color and an entire wall is covered by tall bookshelves laden with part of my book collection, I told the paint counter lady. 

And then doubt and uncertainty began to crowd in. I would wake up in the night thinking the shade would be too dark. It would be oppressive. This went on until I finally put on my big girl pants and started painting Friday night. I actually spent my lunch break moving furniture and patching nail holes before painting a large swath of one small wall to see how it looked. 

And you know something? I should have trusted my instincts. I think the results are great. In the light of day, it’s rich and bold. As the light wanes, it becomes moody and cozy – perfect for a restful night’s sleep. 

Isn’t that how things go sometimes? You make a great choice but a nagging little voice starts asking needless questions that nearly ruin the whole thing. 

So I have a new blue bedroom. Here’s a photo from last night. Unfortunately, I forgot to get a decent daytime photo so you get the night view which isn’t quite as impressive.

Since it’s still January and No Spend Challenge time, I shopped my house and found things to finish the room. I may eventually buy some curtains but, for now, I’m happy with my old curtains. They’re actually turquoise but they look blue against the wall, lending a nice monochromatic feel to the room. They’re also blackout curtains and help to keep the room warm.

There are a couple of other things to buy – some rub and buff to update a couple of black picture frames and a small area rug come to mind. I have a new comforter to put on the bed when the weather warms. For now, I’ll keep out the winter plaid quilt and warm throw. I’m going to buy the rub and buff my next trip to the store. It will be useful for a variety of immediate projects and an inexpensive supply that I can justify because I have nothing on hand to use in its place.  The rug can wait till I find the right thing someday.

I’m no decorator but I like surrounding myself with things that make me happy. The walls were a light, bright creamy yellow for a lot of years. That served me well but I was ready to embrace a completely new style and a color palette that will soothe my tired mind and create a warm, peaceful retreat. 

Mission accomplished, I think. 

Unfortunately, the bathroom now looks really shabby. That will be more than a coat of paint since it’s well past time to rip out the carpet and replace the flooring. Honestly, who wants carpet in a bathroom, anyway?

For now though, I’ll focus on those pretty blue walls and hope they bring many sweet dreams.

Persevering When You Want To Quit

New DayEarlier this month I told you about how I’m revisiting my desire to become a jogger with the C25K app.  I’ve tried a few times but usually bail at about week five when it starts to feel unreasonably hard.

This time around I’m spending a few weeks at each stage of the learning. For the last three weeks I’ve been sticking at the first level where you run 60 seconds and walk 90 seconds for twenty minutes. A five minute warm up and five minute cool down make for a pretty nice half hour workout.

During the third week, I was jogging at 6 mph and walking 4 mph with a four percent incline. I don’t know if this is good or not but it was reasonably challenging yet still attainable. I was even enjoying these workouts.

Last night I moved on to the second stage where you run 90 seconds and walk two minutes. Backing the incline down to 1.5 percent but leaving the speed alone, I managed to stay strong the entire workout.

With that said, I didn’t especially enjoy it. I hate typing those words but it’s true. 

Is it because I have a cold and am just feeling sort of run down? Perhaps it’s because I haven’t eaten especially well since the holiday. It could be that I have a lot on my mind and just wasn’t properly focused on my goals.

Maybe I need to slow down for a couple of days and work my speed back up to six. That sounds a little silly but I absolutely felt those extra thirty seconds.

It could be any number and combination of things but as I sit here my mind is on a negative loop. The loudest thought of them all is a voice that wants to know why I’m doing this anyway.

The answer is because I want to be healthy and strong and incorporating jogging seems like a great way to do that. And I’m at an age that if I’m going to learn how to do this I probably need to be doing it.

But then the demons beneath the surface start to get louder, casting doubt on my own abilities and motivations. It makes me want to quit. After all, why force something I don’t want to do? I’m a grown up and I don’t have to do anything.

The good news is that I’m too stubborn and willful to just stop. Hopefully a few days of clean eating, some rest and a healthier mental position on Wednesday will better prepare me for my workout.

But it makes me wonder – what in your life do you wish you could do but don’t because you listen to the negativity? What aren’t you doing because you think you’re just not good enough or because you’re too tired to keep trying?

And what are you doing because you are too willful to quit but that is never going to work, no matter how badly you want it to?

These are some big questions, especially for a Tuesday morning. But the big questions are there to give us opportunity to know ourselves better and maybe even inspire some much needed change.  Meanwhile, I’m going to persevere and hope you will as well. Happy Day, my friends.