Tag Archives: holidays

Christmas Can Be Hard

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My favorite Christmas songs all have a note of bittersweetness about them. Judy Garland almost tearfully sang her rendition of Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas. Bing Crosby is dreaming of a white Christmas like the ones he used to know “where the treetops glisten and children listen to hear sleigh bells in the snow.” He goes on to sing “may your days be merry and bright and may all your Christmases be white.”

Global warming has changed our winters here in southern Ohio from a climate where we would have snow on the ground all winter to one where snow is a rarity even in the depths of winter. A white Christmas is a rare treat. 

And are your holidays merry and bright? 

For some, the holidays are merry and bright. For others, Christmas is a reminder of what they don’t have anymore. The loss of family members is a hard one to move past during Christmas. Financial difficulties and all around life instability make it hard to celebrate. No matter how much you try to count your blessings, it’s possible that you are living in circumstances that are just tough on any given day without facing the expectation you be happy because society says so. 

Here’s to those who have empty seats at the table this year. It’s ok to be sad as you remember the good times and struggle to think of the holidays ahead and how you can make them merry and bright again. You don’t have to. 

Here’s to those who face illness and just don’t have the energy to meet the expectation that you still keep up with traditions of old when you’re barely keeping yourself alive. You don’t have to. 

Here’s to those who have lost income and simply can’t afford to keep up with the Jones’ this year. You don’t have to. 

Here’s to those who have lost family because they don’t approve of your politics, your lifestyle or simply put, your true self. You may be tempted to try to adapt and compromise your standards for the sake of keeping peace. You don’t have to. 

And here’s to those who are suffering in silence for  unspoken reasons or for something you can’t begin to understand or explain even when people ask. You don’t have to. 

There is something we can all do. Regardless of your circumstances or difficulties or maybe everything is ok and you have no good reason to struggle this holiday season, remember this: give yourself a little grace. 

It is a season of giving and we do tend to feel better when we are kind to others. Sometimes, though, we need to be kind to ourselves too. Take a nap, drink lots of water, go for a walk, breathe fresh air, take a long shower, eat a cookie, have a good cry, say no to the people who are stressing you out. Choose one or five of these things and do for yourself. Just be kind to yourself. One deep breath and one step in front of the other will work wonders toward healing your own wellbeing. 

I tell you to make the journey fun. That’s the title of this blog and it’s a sort of life mission. Even on a normal day, I like to look for ways big and small to brighten my day. It’s a good way to live, really, and I’m glad I can do that. But it’s not possible every day. In fact, some days are just hard. In a world where people on the internet are so determined to make their lives look perfect, I’ll be the first to tell you mine isn’t perfect and that trying to keep up  with the perfection or the merry and bright myth can be a recipe for disaster. 

You don’t have to be happy. You don’t have to be merry and bright, no matter what the songs say. But you do have to keep going because you deserve to be here.

One step, one breath. One step, one breath. One step, one breath.

You’ve got this.

The Stranger

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The stranger was lean and tall and seemed remarkably fit for a man of his age. Perfect posture contributed to his more youthful appearance. 

He wore a hat with an insignia that I registered as military but I can’t picture which branch. I wish now that I had thanked him for his service.  He spoke with a southern drawl, the kind that makes you wish to sit on a wicker chair with lemonade and pecan pralines.

His eyes were gentle, an important quality in a man who walks around stores talking to strangers. He didn’t discriminate either. He spoke to everyone within range and would chat with anyone willing to stand still long enough. 

He found me sniffing candles and inquired about something in my cart. Was it a gift and who was it for? The exchange didn’t last more than a minute but it was enough to lift my spirits. I imagine he lifted many spirits that day as he noticed people around him, offering a “how do you do” and a “Merry Christmas” to everyone in his path.

It made me wonder if this is something he does often. I think so. He was too pleased, too comfortable, too good at it for this to be something he was just trying in TJ Maxx that day. He was clearly waiting for his wife – a fact confirmed when I saw them together later. 

He practiced my two rules of talking to strangers. 

  1. Ask them about themselves.
  2. Don’t be a nuisance and keep them too long. 

It made me wonder if he started doing this so he’s not under foot while his wife shops or if he is simply the kind of guy that chooses to stay sharp and interact with strangers rather than sit in the car and people watch. 

One thing I know for sure is that the elderly man with the distinguished demeanor and easy smile is a leader among men. I feel fortunate that I got to witness how he made people feel seen in a world that is increasingly unseeing and unfriendly. 

What a lovely start to the holiday season.

Do You Know How To Relax?

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When was the last time you just sat down and relaxed? It seems to be a dying art for most people in my life. I’m certainly not good at it. After all, I spend the bulk of my day working at my job or sleeping. My free time is split between responsibilities at home, occasional hikes and a day trip when I can fit one in but these have been rare lately. 

Sitting down to do nothing just hasn’t been a priority for several months and my mind tends to wander if I try. 

Once the Christmas Eve dishes were cleared and my family left on Sunday night, there was a moment of calm like I haven’t felt in a long time. I looked around and realized that the shopping and gift wrapping were done, the cookies baked, the meal was over and there was nothing left to be done for the holiday. All I needed to do was show up for gifts and a meal at my parents’ house the next morning. 

So I curled up on the loveseat and read a book. I read several chapters and savored the experience. Warm pjs, the glow of the Christmas tree and my little house panther Scout nearby made for a perfect end to the day. 

It felt downright luxurious. 

It would be nice to bottle the calm that made this possible. 

Am I alone in this? 

It’s not healthy to be so busy that you can’t relax. It can lead to poor sleep, tension in the neck and shoulders, headaches and digestive issues. It elevates your blood pressure and is detrimental to your mental health. I notice that some overly busy people in my life are caffeine addicted, tense and paranoid. Personally, I carry all my stress in my shoulders and would be in severe pain if not for the magic hands of my great chiropractor. 

And why? What do we have to gain by keeping ourselves so busy we can’t even sleep at night? 

Do you have tips for relaxing and for sitting still? Winter is a slower time for me and a more relaxing time at home so I suspect I’ll naturally remember how to do this but could probably use a little help getting started!

Happy Christmas!

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It’s Christmas Day and that means a lot of things to different people. Hopefully you still view the holiday as a magical time when miracles are possible and when Santa lives within us all. I trust that all my readers were good this year and that Santa left more than a lump of coal in your stockings. If not, better luck next time!

If this is a happy day for you, I wish you the Merriest of Merry Christmases. 

If this is a not-so-happy day for you, I wish you inner peace. Go for a hike, hit the Chinese Buffet (yes, they’re probably open) and reminisce about better days. Build new traditions. Take care of yourself in the ways that matter to you. 

Most of all, remember that you aren’t as alone as it may feel and that it’s ok to not be ok.

Happy, sad or indifferent, please accept my warmest holiday greetings. Scout and I wish you the very best.

There’s a meme circulating that basically says that any sentiment other than Merry Christmas is meaningless this time of year. Personally, I’m just glad for someone to say something nice to me and am more than happy to meet you where you are. So, please read below and find the greeting you like best and feel free to comment with something that’s not here if you wish. I’m always excited to learn.

Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Happy Kwanzaa. Yuletide Greetings. Happy Holidays. Joyeux Noel. Feliz Navidad. Seasons Greetings. Blessed Christmas. Warm Wishes. Be Merry.

However you say it, I hope you find peace in what you do with this day.

Notes From The Field: Christmas Edition

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My holiday vacation is in full swing. Yesterday I headed to a neighboring town to pick up produce for Christmas Eve veggie lasagna and to do a little fun shopping. 

Yesterday was relaxing because, aside from retrieving produce, all my Christmas chores were pretty much done. The shopping and wrapping are done. I am going to make some more cookies and fudge today but it should be pretty low key. In fact, I don’t plan to start my car again until Tuesday because if I haven’t bought it yet I probably don’t need it anyway.

This is going to sound mean but I always enjoy hitting the stores a couple of days before Christmas when all my shopping is done and everyone else is frantically buying whatever stuff they can find. It makes me appreciate the serenity that comes with planning ahead and that inner calm allows for some pretty fabulous people watching. 

While in a vendor mall called Peddlar’s Junction, I overheard an elderly woman answer the phone and then proceed to tell the caller that she wouldn’t be home for a while. “Yes dear, we hope to see you too. We’re out running some errands right now. We’re very busy,” she said as she examined a vintage candlestick.

 I liked her style. 

Incidentally, if I ever tell you I’m out running errands, know that I’m probably at TJ Maxx smelling candles and buying pajamas. I’m probably stopping at a vendor mall and a bookstore too.

While walking through another store’s very busy parking lot, I witnessed a dirty maroon minivan make a turn on two wheels. The windows were cracked and vintage Johnny Cash blared from the speakers. When the driver climbed out, I couldn’t help but notice she was wearing Christmas pajamas and had a cigarette hanging out of her mouth while wrangling a youngster. That takes skill. 

She would make a great character for that book I may write someday. 

Lunch was cheese pizza, enjoyed in the car while I people watched and listened to Christmas music. Whoever cut the pizza seemed to have never cut or maybe never seen a pizza before. It was cut in odd sizes and shapes – one slice a sliver of no more than an inch at its widest and the one next to it at least a quarter of the pie. None of the pieces were pointy. It was bizarre. 

Part of the reason I went for a car lunch is that by the time I got around to eating, all the restaurants were full with folks waiting for tables. Even the fast food restaurants had long drive-thru lines. The other reason is that I wanted to hear Christmas music and feared it wouldn’t happen in a restaurant since it wasn’t happening in the stores. Why? After all, the stores were rocking around the Christmas tree and blaring Mariah Carey on November 1. On December 22, there was no festive music but a pile of Valentine’s stuff already on the shelves.

As Charlie Brown would say, “Good grief.”

All told, folks were patient and nice even in places where the wait was long. I chatted up most of my cashiers and not one of them claimed to be ready for the holiday. All complained they had spent so much time at work lately they had no desire to go shopping in their free time. I try to be extra nice to retail workers because it isn’t their fault that everyone waits till the last minute to shop. Not to mention, they aren’t paid that well and it has to be hard watching everyone come through buying things their families might love to receive but they can’t afford to buy on their wages.

Another common theme was the presence of people talking on their phones in stores. If you’re one of those people, note that you aren’t very fast or efficient while you wander around chatting up Sally Sue about who-knows-what. There’s likely someone behind you that wants to reach around you (or maybe just knock you down) so they can  grab something off the shelf you’re aimlessly blocking. 

Ha! Can you tell I hate phones in stores? 

 In all, it was a great day of  much needed quality time with myself. I found several bargains and a few things I couldn’t live without. As much as I enjoyed this excursion, I was glad to come home with my treasures, light up the tree and turn on the Christmas music. 

Are you ready for the holiday?

Christmas Isn’t Merry And Bright For Everyone

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We think of Christmas as a happy time. It certainly is for most of us, at least in memory. For most people it’s about tradition and sharing gifts and meals with family and friends. For others, though, it’s a bittersweet time of memories of days gone by. It may be a time of longing for people mourning those who have died and it can be downright lonely for someone who doesn’t have people to break bread with during the holidays.

I know many who are struggling for a number of reasons this year and some are near their breaking point.

They’re struggling with the blatant commercialism of the season and with tight budgets caused by inflation They’re struggling with the ever growing sense that enough is never enough because Instagram and Facebook show us all the things we need to do better. They’re struggling because they’re unemployed or because their child is being treated for an unspeakable disease. 

They’re struggling with loss. Whether your loved one left this world this year or twenty years ago, there are some losses you simply don’t move past. Not completely anyway. Grief is something I have written about here before. It’s not a fun topic or anything people really want to discuss but it’s an ever present force in the lives of many that we need to normalize acknowledging. 

After all, if we are lucky to live long enough, the people around us will die. And what is grief? It’s what you feel when someone you care about dies or goes away. You don’t mourn the people you don’t like. Grief is harsh. It makes you wish you could fall apart but you feel obligated to be strong. It makes you feel like you’re supposed to go on and live for the one you lost but you feel guilty for moving on without them. You feel guilty for being happy even when you know deep down that it’s ok.

I know several people who have lost spouses, parents, children, pets and other loved ones just this year. Some will try to smile through the pain while some will just want to hide from it all. Whatever gets them through the season ought to be ok with you too.

Life is hard on a good day and even more so when you feel forced to participate in everyone else’s joy. So respect the people in your lives. If they want to come for Christmas dinner, give ‘em a hug and send them home with a plate of leftovers. If they don’t want to, there’s always next year. Maybe save them a piece of pie anyway.

Unfortunately, life doesn’t come with an instruction book so we all just have to muddle through and hope for the best.

If you are struggling right now, for whatever reason, I wish there was something more useful to say than I’m sorry. That’s all I’ve got. That and a reminder that it will hopefully not always be so hard. It is true what they say. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time, one holiday at a time. Keep going and know that Christmas is just a day. Whether it’s money, or insecurities or loss of people keeping you down, the fate of the holiday doesn’t rest on your shoulders if you choose to limit your participation this year.

I hope you find some light and goodness as we shift into winter and a season of quiet rest before the world’s rejuvenation this spring.