Tag Archives: social media

Life In The Radical Middle

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Sometimes I fear that I overshare here. There’s a method to the madness though. You see, as I look around this world, I am practically hit over the head with two drastically different types of messages. One is that the lives of other people are perfect. Perfect kids. Perfect food. Perfect homes. Perfect cars. Perfect looks. Perfect, perfect, perfect! Please read that in the voice of Jan Brady exclaiming “Marsha! Marsha! Marsha!”

Then there are the people who seemingly don’t even try to do something useful with their lives. They have excuses, sometimes good reasons and often just a bad attitude and it never seems to occur to them that they should try a different approach. They are happy doing what they do or maybe miserable but either stuck or ok with it enough to stay the course.

And then there’s me. 

While these other two groups live on opposite sides of the spectrum, I’m smack dab in the middle in a place I like to call the radical middle.

I am flawed. I am a nerd who is fascinated by the world. I can entertain myself for hours just driving around looking at things or sitting in a corner watching people from afar. One of my guilty pleasures is a Taco Bell Black Bean Crunch Wrap and a strawberry lemonade. My kitchen is not Instagram perfect and my cat loves nothing more than to dig junk out of the recycling bin and drag it around the house. My hair is a perpetual mess and my idea of a great vacation involves museums and junk stores, alleyway murals, dirty hiking shoes and other assorted things that most people wouldn’t embrace on a normal day – certainly not on their vacation. 

I glorify these things and write entire stories about places and spaces that have been all but forgotten. I make a big deal out of a single historic artifact or out of my own reaction to some random thing that caught my attention.  I tell you that my thyroid sucks and that life is exhausting and stressful. I tell you that our family dog died and that I like spotting payphones. 

Why?

Because if I’m a normal person with a non-social media ready life, I know there are other people just like me. Yet, this is not the image projected by anyone these days and I think we all need to be reminded that a normal life is ok. It’s more than ok. It’s something to aspire to in this insane world. 

If you hang around here much you know that I believe winter is for rest and quiet. This hasn’t been the best winter for feeling rested but it has been quiet. I have been staying home, cooking most of my meals and not adventuring. At this time, I’m doing very little outside of work, seeing my fella, and barely keeping up with the basics of home. 

Soon my workload will shift again and spring will usher in a new season of adventures. There are trails to hike and many roads to travel in search of enrichment. I have a mile long list of day trips and longer adventures and there’s no way I can get to them all this year but you can bet I’ll try. 

I miss driving down a road just to see where it goes. I miss lingering in front of a painting I do not understand to think about how it makes me feel. I miss randomly choosing a restaurant because I like the outside of the building and assume that any place that looks so cool on the outside must be worth a try. Small towns, rural countryside and big cities are all a celebration of America and evidence of who we are and who we have been. They all are worthy of consideration and exploration if you ask me. They may not be the target of a social media influencer and they may not be a tourism destination but that doesn’t mean they are lacking in cool things to see and learn from in the most unexpected ways.

As the above picture illustrates, what good is all the light if it isn’t framed in a little darkness?

This is what I aspire to. My adventures aren’t so adventurous but I do find them exciting and fulfilling as I mostly celebrate the randomness and the normalness of the world around me.

Is this really so radical an idea? To embrace the real? To find the normal and to not just be good with it but to be satisfied, gratified and joyous that there’s nothing wrong with messy hair, a country road and an imperfect kitchen? 

Everyone else can pursue perfection. I’m going to pursue the normal, small things of my ordinary life. I’m going to pursue what makes me happy and I’m going to remind you regularly that a normal life is not such a radical concept. It can be a great life after all.

Choose Wisely: Social Media Can Be Friend Or Foe

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Lots of friends are leaving or at least cutting back on social media exposure. There’s too much negativity, too many lies, too much sales and not enough meaningful interactions.

And I get it.

I have learned things about longtime friends that I do not want to know. For many, it is a window into the soul that tells me that I have been frighteningly wrong about the hearts and world views of many.

Then there are the people who provoke feelings of inadequacy because their lives look so perfect. They’re buying cars and taking expensive trips you could never afford. Plus, there’s always someone peddling something. That high school friend who ignored you for twenty years until she decided to sell 31 bags comes to mind.

Social media can be downright annoying and sometimes hard on your mental health.

But there is good too. Facebook and Instagram have given me access to all sorts of people and information that would otherwise be much more difficult to find.

That’s why I am careful of how I cultivate my feeds. There are some people who I unfollowed years ago because I know their contribution to my world is detrimental. They bring stress and negativity. They don’t earn their keep because they only point out the wrong without offering solutions. They have nothing good to say about anything.

I like people who can be realistic, who talk about the bad but encourage intelligent dialog. These are my people.

I follow some news organizations that report fairly and thoroughly. I belong to groups and pages that provide me with beautiful images, inspiring words, book recommendations, travel ideas, vegetarian recipes, mid century advertising, home decor ideas and all the other things I find interesting.

I know which pages have followers with useful comments and which pages to avoid the comments. Blocking trolls and scammers is easy. So is unfollowing a page that you don’t care for anymore.

In other words, I manipulate social media to make it work for me.

Instagram seems to naturally attract a more positive audience than Facebook so I’m starting to dwell more there.

If you don’t believe me, follow CBS Sunday Morning on both platforms and study the responses on each. Say they post a story about visiting a national park. On Instagram, the comments will mostly be from people saying how much they love that place, want to visit, vacation memories are amazing, etc. On Facebook, that same story is loaded with complaints and people who blame this president or that one for something totally unrelated. It’s like they’re just looking for a soapbox to vent whatever asinine thing is on their mind.

People really can take anything good and mangle it into a travesty.

All the same, social media has given me a chance to connect with people I have met once in real life. If not for social media, I wouldn’t have taken the Ford Tri-Motor airplane ride last year. I wouldn’t be anxiously awaiting the West Virginia Book Festival where I will finally get to meet author William Kent Krueger this fall. I would not have found the Apple Seed storytelling podcast that has brought me great joy.

The Whole 30 would be much harder if not for social media as it has helped me find great recipes for black bean meatballs and realistic ideas for batch cooking. I may never have found the British version of the sitcom Ghosts!

Cousins scattered across the country would be mere names in a family tree instead of friends. A quiet coworker who loves her cats, flowers and rocks would just be a nice lady I chat with briefly. The man I connected with in a fascinating conversation about race while standing in line at a historic house would just be a memory.

This book! I saw a review in a book group and knew it was for me. I’m halfway through and it’s wonderful!!

HOW would I get all my ideas for random road trips? Sometimes they send me to get a grilled cheese sandwich in a great diner two hours away only to discover a neat abandoned theater and country roads that feed my soul. You never know where one simple tip will lead!

So yeah. Social media can be terrible. But my life is richer thanks to social media. It’s all about how you choose to use it and who you allow to have a voice. Not everyone deserves space in your head so they certainly don’t deserve space in your social media feed.

Choose wisely.

Unfollowing Social Negativity

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I belong to a number of Facebook groups that relate to topics I find interesting. Books, plant based eating, solo hiking, road tripping, photography- you get the idea. There are tons of them and they are both small collections of people as well as large groups with thousands of strangers presumably trying to play nice with others.

Each one represents quite the social experiment but have potential to be exhausting and even toxic. I have been slowly disengaging from these groups and even leaving.

Earlier this week, a lady posted a picture in a mid-century finds group. It was a darling little cat broach that she bought out of the display case at a thrift store where she volunteers. The purchase was made fair and square as it had been made available to customers before she snatched it up.

Many people were happy for her but several jumped in and complained that volunteers shouldn’t be able to beat other customers to the deals. That’s what’s wrong with the world, according to one Negative Nancy. Volunteers get all the good stuff.

Sigh.

I’m guessing those doing the complaining on that post don’t do much volunteering.

In a plant based group, someone posted a picture of their scrumptious looking smoothie, excited about her healthy choice. A commenter immediately jumped in to say “too bad you’re ruining it with a plastic straw.”

The list goes on and on.

It’s always interesting to me how different we all are and how we view the world through such different lenses.

One person loves an author while another can’t tolerate them. Someone else thinks that the opposing political party is signaling the end of the world while their candidate should be up for sainthood.

I enjoy a variety of topics and opportunities to learn. Yet, some become so tuned into their own agenda, their own view of the world, it’s impossible for them to see what really matters or to even recognize the truth sometimes.

If you’re looking for a red car, you’re only going to see red cars. If you’re looking for trouble or bias or someone to pick on, that’s what you’re always going to see.

I left one plant based group this week because I realized that no one there even understood the definition of plant based and they weren’t interested in learning. Anytime the subject came up, responses began with “I think” or “I feel.” My response always was a Harvard article that analyzes the plant based movement quite nicely.

No one there was interested in fact and expertise. I’m not especially interested in uninformed opinions.

And you see it playing out time and again as people can’t tell you the simplest things about American history but are somehow experts on current affairs that are deeply rooted in history. They don’t bother to read the story, instead basing an opinion on a headline or on someone’s Facebook meme.

They don’t understand that scientists don’t change their minds. They get new data and learn from it, a practice the rest of us could benefit from trying. They don’t care that research has to be funded by someone and that a study paid for by one industry and villainizing another isn’t especially trustworthy.

I’m finding myself becoming cranky with the hive mind of social media groups and the willful ignorance of individuals. I don’t enjoy negativity and all around crankiness so this really sucks..

Consequently, I’m gradually clicking the Unfollow button or sometimes the Leave Group button because I’m simply happier without the group.

Sometimes you can actually add to your quality of life by subtracting.

And so ends my rant. Hopefully you will be inspired to cut out some of the social negativity in your life and that I’m not part of the purge!