Tag Archives: tragedy

Funeral Processions

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It’s a time honored tradition here in America that motorists pull off the side of the road when meeting a funeral procession.

This happened to me recently. I came around a curve to find myself a few car lengths away from an oncoming hearse followed by a string of cars. The car in front of me braked quickly as did I. The car behind me pulled off the road too.

The superstition of my Appalachian roots prevented me from counting the cars. It’s considered bad luck.

But it was a noticeably short funeral and it got me to thinking about this ritual of honoring our dead. 

People don’t seem to go to funerals much anymore and those who do will frequently skip the procession to the cemetery. It’s increasingly common to just visit with friends at the calling hours and completely bypass  the formality of the funeral. 

It used to be a sort of badge of honor to say that a funeral was large. I have been part of funeral processions that were dozens of cars long and loved ones will speak proudly of how many people came to pay their respects to their person. 

When my aunt died a few years ago and I was asked to stand up at her funeral and read a story I had written about her life, I was worried that it would take too long. Perhaps it did take too long and that roomful of mourners probably did wish I would hurry things along. 

However, when a soul leaves this world, it’s kind of tacky to complain about the time you are expected to mourn at their funeral. It’s like saying they already got their 75 years of life and they don’t deserve another hour of your time.

As our society trends towards a more casual environment that is less tied to social etiquette and more to the interests of the individual, I suspect funerals will continue to shrink and mourners will continue to sneak in and out quickly , unceremoniously and with little regard to celebrating a life departed. 

So, when you see a funeral procession, be sure to pull over and at least consider that a person has left this world and those who will miss them. It will take just a minute but will go a long way toward helping you connect to your own humanity.

The Eve Of A New Year

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Here we are. It’s the eve of a new year, the turning of the calendar, a proverbial clean slate.

This year certainly was one for the record books and one we will talk about for the rest of our lives.

The truth is, 2020 wasn’t a terrible year for me personally as I kept my job and income, maintained good health, and even had more time for rest and relaxation.

My introverted self is perfectly happy staying home and six feet away from others. I do terribly miss traveling but understand this is for now, not forever.

This was the year I learned to truly find joy in the small things like a bird at the window, a quiet walk in the woods, and the first bite of a juicy orange.

It was actually a good year in my small place in the universe.

Setting aside my own experience, it is hard to watch people suffer and struggle. From the logistics of childcare, to lost income, illness and isolation, people are struggling. I worry for small businesses and for the families that depend on them for work. I worry for kids who aren’t in school where we know they are safe and fed and learning something. Child abuse and neglect are among the tragedies not being well explored as we are too busy with triage in other areas.

So far, our country has lost about 330,000 souls to this pandemic.

To put that into perspective, that’s more than the population of Cincinnati with its approximate 306,000 people.

Imagine one of Ohio’s three biggest cities wiped off the map. That’s how many of our fellow Americans have been lost.

And we aren’t through the woods yet as experts tell us that January will be a dark month for many.

Still, I am hopeful that life will be better one year from today.

The vintage photo above was labeled “New Years” and offers some much needed levity to this discussion. To be a fly on the wall just before she took this drink!

I won’t be staying up late tonight and I won’t be drinking to dull the effects of the year. Instead, I plan to go to bed early tonight, to read until I fall asleep, and then wake up refreshed in the morning.

2020 can see itself to the door.

I’ll be ready to greet the new year with fresh, rested eyes first thing tomorrow.

Remembering Natalie

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Frequent readers here know that this space is typically dedicated to positive topics – adventures, stories about my cat, the occasional pep talk and whatever else is on my mind.

The working theory is that there’s enough negativity in the world without my adding to it. But something happened this week that’s been weighing heavy on my mind and heart.

It’s time to talk about it.

On Monday morning, a woman that I knew was kidnapped and murdered by her estranged husband before he turned the gun on himself.

Today, loved ones will gather in a country church in the woods to remember a mother, daughter, sister and friend. Her little boy is an orphan. Friends are devastated. A community is in shock.

Things like this don’t happen here.

There’s a lot I’d like to say here. I would like to tell you about the failures of our justice system for not doing enough to stop domestic violence or about the complacency of regular people because we think it isn’t our place to get involved in a family matter and how we talk about these things as though it’s something to be kept secret. I would like to gripe about the concept of a restraining order, a document that’s not even worth the paper it’s printed on when someone is crazy and mean enough to want you dead.

But standing on my soap box won’t change anything.

There’s no way to change what has happened. Her parents will bury their daughter today. Her child will spend a lifetime without an amazing mother because of something his father did. No matter what we say, the world will be a darker place without our friend.

Natalie was a bright, happy person who took a sincere interest in everyone around her. You got the impression that she was thrilled to see you and never had a harsh word but instead always had a kind word or compliment.

She exuded true kindness and literally lit up a room. She had an energy about her that I only wish I could capture. And she had no idea how special she was.

When someone dies after an extended illness we like to point out they aren’t suffering anymore. When they’re very old, they had a long life and are in a better place.

There’s nothing to say here. I have nothing. She was 35, vibrant and kind – the sort of person we should all aspire to be.

Everywhere I go, people are talking about it, they’re tearful, they’re upset. They’re confused, angry and numb. All of us are struggling in our own way.

If you think that this sort of thing won’t happen to you or doesn’t involve you, think again. Domestic violence threatens us all. Your neighbor could be in danger. Your child or friend could be suffering and you may not even know it.

Have you ever wondered why a woman doesn’t just leave? This is why. Because it’s hard and it’s dangerous. Because women die when they have done nothing wrong. Because there are people out there who would rather kill the one they say they love than allow them to be free.

My heart is tired, friends.

I cannot fathom how her close friends and family are suffering today. And I can’t understand how someone could behave viciously toward the person they say they love.

Sadly, she isn’t the first person to be victim to this kind of senseless cruelty and she won’t be the last. Many of you reading probably at least know of similar stories.

My apologies for this sad and rambling story today. It isn’t nearly so fun as an adventure but life can’t always be fun. Sometimes it’s a confusing, tragic, horrifying place.

Make the best of today. Tomorrow is not promised.