Tag Archives: Life

Christmas Isn’t Merry And Bright For Everyone

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We think of Christmas as a happy time. It certainly is for most of us, at least in memory. For most people it’s about tradition and sharing gifts and meals with family and friends. For others, though, it’s a bittersweet time of memories of days gone by. It may be a time of longing for people mourning those who have died and it can be downright lonely for someone who doesn’t have people to break bread with during the holidays.

I know many who are struggling for a number of reasons this year and some are near their breaking point.

They’re struggling with the blatant commercialism of the season and with tight budgets caused by inflation They’re struggling with the ever growing sense that enough is never enough because Instagram and Facebook show us all the things we need to do better. They’re struggling because they’re unemployed or because their child is being treated for an unspeakable disease. 

They’re struggling with loss. Whether your loved one left this world this year or twenty years ago, there are some losses you simply don’t move past. Not completely anyway. Grief is something I have written about here before. It’s not a fun topic or anything people really want to discuss but it’s an ever present force in the lives of many that we need to normalize acknowledging. 

After all, if we are lucky to live long enough, the people around us will die. And what is grief? It’s what you feel when someone you care about dies or goes away. You don’t mourn the people you don’t like. Grief is harsh. It makes you wish you could fall apart but you feel obligated to be strong. It makes you feel like you’re supposed to go on and live for the one you lost but you feel guilty for moving on without them. You feel guilty for being happy even when you know deep down that it’s ok.

I know several people who have lost spouses, parents, children, pets and other loved ones just this year. Some will try to smile through the pain while some will just want to hide from it all. Whatever gets them through the season ought to be ok with you too.

Life is hard on a good day and even more so when you feel forced to participate in everyone else’s joy. So respect the people in your lives. If they want to come for Christmas dinner, give ‘em a hug and send them home with a plate of leftovers. If they don’t want to, there’s always next year. Maybe save them a piece of pie anyway.

Unfortunately, life doesn’t come with an instruction book so we all just have to muddle through and hope for the best.

If you are struggling right now, for whatever reason, I wish there was something more useful to say than I’m sorry. That’s all I’ve got. That and a reminder that it will hopefully not always be so hard. It is true what they say. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time, one holiday at a time. Keep going and know that Christmas is just a day. Whether it’s money, or insecurities or loss of people keeping you down, the fate of the holiday doesn’t rest on your shoulders if you choose to limit your participation this year.

I hope you find some light and goodness as we shift into winter and a season of quiet rest before the world’s rejuvenation this spring.

NO-vember

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There is a movement afoot this month to rethink November as NO-vember. The idea behind it is to say no to the things that don’t matter, no to the things that steal your joy, no to the things that cause you stress.

This fits in well with what I wrote yesterday about the time change. Sometimes, as we seek joy in the small things, we have to say no to the unnecessary stuff all around us.

This November, by saying no to the people who makes us feel inferior and no the unnecessary things that drag us down, there’s more time to focus on the good.

This November, I plan to hike, to eat nourishing foods, to read and to feather my nest in preparation for the winter hibernation season.

Life has taught me that saying no isn’t a bad thing. Sometimes it’s the only way to get to the yes of what matters most to you.

Putting Routine To Work For You

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Routine can be comforting. It can be efficient and helpful. It can be how we get things done.

It can also be as confining as a straight jacket.

I’m wavering somewhere between needing more routine to improve my productivity and commitment to goals – and needing less to encourage creative thinking and happiness.

I have previously been stuck in routines that weren’t so healthy, the kind where I hit snooze for an hour and go screeching out the door, late for work. I’ve come home nightly to the same tv shows, same dinner, same bedtime and same lack of motivation that kept me stuck in a rut. These are the straight jacket variety of routines that hold us back and keep us making unhealthy choices.

Change in routine last week helped me create a more structured morning. These were less rushed, more satisfying mornings as well. The structure of a routine keeps me honest and keeps me in line even on busy days.

Of course, all hope for routine goes out the window at work. I don’t have that kind of job most days so I just acknowledge that every day is a new adventure and go with the flow.

Meanwhile, last week I began looking for ways to exercise my brain and to think differently, to think outside my usual boxes. I listened to different music on my commute and found ways to enjoy chores I might ordinarily avoid. I suppose you could say that looking for the small ways to be different became part of my routine.

Whether it’s going on adventure, trying a new restaurant or finding a new way to do something ordinary, any break from routine is welcome. Plus, doing one thing that’s different often inspires looking for more changes.

Consider your own day. What needs better structure? What changes can you make to improve even one piece of your day? Start there and begin looking for more ways to change, build and improve.

Life is easier when we figure out how to work within our own boundaries and how to take small steps to improve. Whether you’re breaking free of unhealthy routines or building creative new habits, even thinking about it can spark an interest in being better.

And, whether you’re thinking inside the box, viewing that box from afar or taking a sledgehammer to it, just considering the box at all is a great first step.

Getting There In Spirit

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“I am alarmed when it happens that I have walked a mile into the woods bodily, without getting there in spirit.”

― Henry David Thoreau, “Walking”

This happened to me Saturday. This summer has been my worst in years. Rain, humidity, work at home and stress from life and work have occupied the driver’s seat much more than I should allow. After all, what’s the point of being single and childless if you can’t go do as you please?

I have needed time in nature for a while now and just couldn’t swing it so I made a bargain with myself Saturday. I had more or less hit a wall where I could no longer function amongst normal humans. So, once my obligations were fulfilled, I would go somewhere that I could get lost for a while.

Unfortunately, the nearest hiking trails to my home are in the Hocking Hills State Park, a beautiful place that has more or less been ruined by the hoards of people who are loving it to death. But I foolishly believed that it wouldn’t be so bad by early evening and that I could make do.

Boy, was I wrong.

I shouldn’t have parked the car when I saw that the parking lot was such a circus. I shouldn’t have gotten out of the car at all. I should have just turned and left when I realized there would be no peace. But I soldiered on, regretting every step. Even on a trail that usually isn’t heavily occupied, there was never a time I couldn’t hear humans babbling about their jobs or about what someone said to offend them. There was rarely a time you couldn’t hear cars and the roar of motorcycles.

There was never a time I could tune out the babble and simply enjoy the canopy of trees overhead or the compacted dirt beneath my feet. The peaceful birdsong was all but obliterated by people who were oblivious to their surroundings. I just kept wondering why they bothered coming to the woods when they were utterly unaware of the power and beauty of it all. They could have been walking in a mall parking lot for all they seemed to care.

Who was I kidding? There would be no losing myself here. The only thing I was losing was my patience and desire to be there.

As Thoreau would say, I went to the woods with my body but never got there in spirit.

So I walked about 30 minutes out before I decided to stop punishing myself. Instead, I left and went into town to pick up some things at Walmart. Interestingly, it was more peaceful and people were more polite at the Walmart than at the state park.

Do with that information what you will but it’s a sad commentary if you ask me.

I hope to try a hike tonight but will go to another one of the parks or nature preserves in the area. None are as convenient but any should be a better choice for actually absorbing and enjoying nature.

And boy, do I need it.

Is there a moral to this story? One might be to carefully choose conditions that will improve your mood and trust your gut when it says to leave. Another might be to not allow outside forces so much power over your life. If the weather is poor when you want to hike, go anyway. If other people want to dictate how you spend your free time, resist. No is a complete sentence and it’s a fair one to use when you know enough is enough.

And don’t neglect your own physical and mental health for so long that it becomes a crisis. Look out for yourself, friends. No one else will do it for you.

Don’t worry. I’ll try again and I’ll keep trying till I get there in spirit.

Happiness Is…..

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Happiness is a dog with his ears flapping in the wind.

Last night I got behind a pickup truck on my drive home. At first I was annoyed because they were driving a good ten mph below the speed limit.

Then I noticed something.

They had the windows rolled down and, in the back seat, there was a dog, a Collie. This was the happiest dog I have ever seen.

He would stick his head out one window and tip his face forward. Then he would scamper to the other window to bark at something along the street or to tip his head to feel the wind in his ears.

This dog was living his very best life.

I spent yesterday sprinting from one thing to the next. I was tired, my sinuses hurt and I was stressed by the reality of my life. Vacation is so close I can taste it and too close for comfort because there’s a lot to be done before I can leave.

It was not a fun day.

Yet, here’s this dog enjoying the simple art of capturing the wind in his face. We should all aspire to enjoy these small and happy moments.

It was cooler yesterday and it was just 77 degrees by evening. So I rolled down the windows, turned up the seventies light rock and tried to appreciate the ride.

This ride we’re on, this ride we call Life, is a short one. Anyone who tells you differently is likely selling something. It’s too short to not seek the satisfaction and joy and peace and all the good things we wish for but never seem to actually have.

Hold onto the small moments. Whatever they may be. Sometimes the small things are better than the big ones anyway. If only we could all be as happy as a dog with an open window!

The Secret

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The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly. ~Buddha~

It is Monday.

The weekend is gone but we must not mourn its passing. The week ahead is likely to bring stress but worrying about that won’t lessen the blow.

Let’s just be grateful we woke up today and that we have the opportunity to tackle another day. That’s the secret. Life may not be a bowl full of cherries but it is what we make if it. Let’s try to make this a good day.